{Ed. Note: This review comes courtesy of Natsukashi's Rob, so all credit where credit is due. Also, you can check out a review of another Ghost House Underground release, Room 205, here, and yet another for Dance of the Dead here, at Lise Bee's wonderful horrorhappenings blog. Enjoy!}
Where was this film when I was a tweener?
The Substitute (or Vikaren for purists) is being improperly marketed under Lionsgate's "Ghosthouse Underground" label, a Dimension Extreme-like specialty distribution arm that is packaging a horror-themed number of international and indie films to cash in on Halloween.
And while there are creepy thrills to be found, placing The Substitute with films of cannibalism (The Last House in the Woods) and serial killers (Room 205){Ed. Note #2: It is a ghostly serial killer, if that makes up for anything.} is like a DVD box set featuring The Goonies and I Spit on Your Grave.
Aside from a few naughty words, there is not a frame of this picture that cannot be viewed by the sci-fi-loving 10 year old in family or household. That is not to say that adults would not enjoy the film as well. But I think there are going to be many a pissed-off high schooler that thinks they're going to be treated to sexy My Tutor-like shenanigans mixed with the some bloody effects like The Faculty.
The Substitute does contain all of the best elements of great young-adult cinema without once pandering to them.
Alien invasion, Draconian teachers, clueless parents, first love, and teamwork are all vital plot machinations of The Substitute, and each is woven in with flair, wit and a compassion for its characters without reducing them to mere archetypes that so commonly populate films of this ilk.
A cyclonic cloud appears over a rural Danish farm (that would be a farm in Denmark, not one that grows pastries), dumping out a silver orb that crashes to Earth, flattening a stray chicken (man, does this film hate chickens). An alien Tinkerbell exits and flutters its way into the mouth of Ulla (played by Paprika Steen), one of the farm's owners.
She next appears as a substitute teach to a 6th-grade class, immediately proceeding to creep her pupils out with her uncanny ability to know almost everything, including their thoughts.
Not only does she seem to posses omnipotence, but she's a real bitch about it, too, mocking and taunting her students while disguising them as "life lessons."
Of course, when the kids attempt to complain to their folks about her wicked ways, their parents' shock is almost immediately replaced with comfort upon meeting Ulla in a blink of her baby blues.
The classmates are undeterred and set out to prove their point and uncover Ulla for the quite literal monster that she is.
Meanwhile, the widower father of one student begins to develop romantic inclinations and she slowly stretches her tentacles into their personal life as well.
Every piece of adolescent angst is brought to life, cemented by across-the-board dynamics from its cast and crew.
Resembling an elder Tara Reid (that is, if Reid were to actually survive to see her 40s), Steen is evil incarnate beneath her bottle-blond locks. She is stunning to watch, as she flicks her bitch switch on and off like a strobe light and its a delight to watch her throw her entire body into the role. The children are equally impressive, led by Jonas Wandschneider as the motherless Carl. Resembling a young Elijah Wood, Wandscheider's every move feels genuine and authentic.
Granted, the film is far from a masterpiece, as there seems to be entire chunks of film that are missing or edited in a rather confusing way. And, how can you have a film called The Substitute and not at least have a cameo by Tom Berenger? But, The Substitute's redeeming qualities far outweigh its deficits. And especially for younger sci-fi geeks-in-training longing for a film that features relatable characters, effective chills and skillfully mounted suspense...and does not feature a boy wizard with a lightning-bolt scar. All this puts this "Substitute" in an elite cinematic class.
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