Dealing with winter

Figured I'd start the day off without a rant.
My wife mailed this to me; it actually isn't that far off...

Degrees of Cold


60 degrees F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in New England sunbathe.

50 degrees F: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.

40 degrees F: Italian and English cars won't start. People in New England drive with the windows down.

32 degrees F: Distilled water freezes. The water in Moosehead Lake in Maine gets thicker.

20 degrees F: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and wool hats. People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.

15 degrees F: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in New England have a last cookout before it gets cold.

0 degrees F: All the people in Miami die. New Englanders close their windows.

10 degrees below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. The girl scouts in New England are selling cookies door to door.

25 degrees below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. People in New England get out their winter coats.

40 degrees below zero: Washington runs out of hot air. People in New England let their dogs sleep indoors.

100 degrees below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start their 'kahs.'

460 degrees below zero: All atomic motion stops--absolute zero on the Kelvin scale. People in New England start saying, 'Cold 'nuff for ya?'

500 degrees below zero: Hell freezes over and the Red Sox win the World Series.